Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
