we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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