Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
