Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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