I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
