I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
