i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize