do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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