How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
