"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
