Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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