I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
