So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
