And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
