apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
