Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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