1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
