the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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