I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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