he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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