Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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