Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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