Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
