i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
