I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
