Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I will pee on everything he values.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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