I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
