Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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