Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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