it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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