At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
