it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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