I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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