Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
In other news, I just burned my penis
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
