I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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