I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
