The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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