You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
