So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
