how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
