She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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