Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
