I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
