He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
