What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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