I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
