did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
