the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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