you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
