It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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