i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
