I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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