3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
