Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
