Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
