I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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