I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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