Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
