I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
pray to the hookup gods
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
