That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
