the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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