you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You ate ashes out of my bong
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
