Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
