what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
