did you get engaged???
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
