Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am spending my child support on dildos
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
