Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
