Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
