My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
