I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dick very happy bro
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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