your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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