girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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