sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
