Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
