i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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