i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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