By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
