well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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