nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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