If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
