This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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