What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
