he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
