I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
