Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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