tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
