That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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