You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
