a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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