I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
