I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize