i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
