3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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