every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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