he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize