Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
