ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So vagazzling was a success
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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