i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
