Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
