i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
