JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
