I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
