and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
