his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she peed on how many people?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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