dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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