you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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